It's like my soul has been riped from the inside out. The one I loved murders and left for me to find. The blood still spills before my eyes, flowing like water. It was only an hour ago that I was walking home. To my sweet jessica. It is, or was, our two year anniversary today, welll . . . Now it's the anniversary of her dealth. That day she brought joy to my life, brings distruction and hearteche. We were tying the knot a month from today. I arrived at the front door with a dozen white roses in my hands, when I entred the house I had a sense of a cold, pitless ache deep in my heart. Something was wrong, I opend the door and the room felt cold and icey. The presense of disaster hung in the air."jess, honey, you home!" Nothing, but silence hung in the air. My heart is thumping ten to the dozen. I picture my sweet Jess in an elegant blue dress with her wavey blonde hair. My heart did a flip and it started to slow. Well on my wat to the kitchen I see her, a Puddle of blood is ozzing from her stomach, her face is pale and white. I scream and shake, tears are streaming down my face like a river. Hands are grabbing my hands and waist. Who's quieting me?, I don't care, she's gone! I feel empty, numb. The coldness seems to be creeoing over me. It's like the floor has been riped out from under my feet, like I'm falling and I can't stop, Nothing is beneath me, I can't breathe, I just can't. But at last all emotion has been drained and suddenly the world is black.
When I come to, I'm happy because I realise it's just a dreadfull nightmare, though . . . My surroundings are, well, OMFG I'm at the Police Station. My smile fades into a long drop. The door at the otherside of the room clicks open and an officer comes in "I'm so sorry for your loss Miss Keelie".
My eyes flood with tears and words seem to disappear. He asks me questions which I answer but don't registor to what I've said. All I can do is cry. But I know it's not my fault, I know I'm not the one to blame. I feel like something's missing. Anger rose from within me. Like a time boom on it's final count down 10, 9, 8, 7 . . . All my hate was aimed at the officer but I know if I touched him i'd find myself behind bars 3, 2, 1. The chair pushed out from underneath me and my fist slams into the desk I spin around and grab my chair. I twist my body and fling it across the room it crashs into the one way glass and it cracks but still holds in it's frame. The chair splinters at the force of impact. My breath is frantic, the cop is staring wide eyed at me like a gold fish but his skin is as pale as a polar bear. I need to run. I bolt for the door. But the cop is faster, He leaps from his seat and dives for me. I feel the force of his weigh and I plumit to the ground. Tears stream down my face "she's gone, she's really gone ! !" "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO". Disbelief was heavily in my voice. As I screamed for her " Jess!, Jess!"
The police department insisted I have thorough Psychiatric treatment. Thy feel my actions were completely out of line." "And were theu Miss Keelie" a man asked me, he stares at me over the top of his glass, he persues his lips. Fucking cops. "No they weren't, I was angry, my Fience was not long murderd, I had to have some outlet I felt like I was suffocationg" "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm" he looks down and writes franical with his'fountain pen', stupid pig. Thinks he knows everything!, " look you've been assessing me for two years scince jessica was murderd I don't have that hole I felt ater I found her." Fuck he'll believe anything." I still have hate and anger, wounldn't you? But my pain isen't as real, I've filled that gap with dance." well that bit true I can pretty it up with decorations. It'll keep him off my back."But I don't understand why we are recaping over why we started meeting in the first place" I swear he's lossing it. I wonder if he'll die soon? " well Miss keelie If you han't noticed it's our last . . . . " Yippie Omg I'm acting like a kid but who cares." . . . and I need to know weather or not you need further sessions" Oh god! " I have come to the conclusion that you don't need it, you seem to be coping quite well."Hallelujah"well thats our time I hope things plan our in the future." "thank you sir". After two years of grief I felt like I was free, I felt like that stupid physc assessment held me back from accepting fate
I felt walk home and lie on the bed and tears of joy flood my eyes. Its time, time to let go of her and me. "I love you jessica, it's best to let you go. Although you were murdered and I felt like I bleed from the inside out I'm free, But I'll always love you." I grab for my dresser and grab the razor blade I watch as I slice the inside og my leg and I hit the main artery. I then slice under my arm, everything's getting fuzzy around the edges and the last words I spoke were"It's time, time for us to be together. . . . . . . .Jess!"